Overcome the Cognitive Deficits of Shyness: Getting Your Mind Right
2. Focus on your social successes: Stop whipping yourself
Shy people tend to be overly self-critical of their performance in social situations. In their view, they are never outgoing enough or witty enough to be satisfied with themselves. To help overcome their shyness, shy people can begin to minimize the anxiety such expectations create by focusing on their strengths, and not only on what they perceive as their weaknesses. For example, rather than being upset with herself for not using the jokes she practiced at home, this shy person should focus on the fact that at the party, she did give a few compliments, carried on a conversation with several new people, and was approached by others while at the party. Thus, focusing on the reactions of others to what she did or said, rather than on the negative statements about herself, will shift her focus of attention to others and make her feel less self-conscious.
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